Update: Never mind. Not too long after I posted this my fever came back with those clammy hot-flash sweats that turn to chills afterwards. I guess that clinches it. Momma Mary is tucking me in bed.
I don't know what to do about tonight's Mass. I missed Mass yesterday because I was running a fever. Fever's gone, but I am still feeling unwell. The thought of going out in the cold (it's VERY cold here) and dark with my aching body, and the cold makes my joints ache even more is giving me panic attacks to the point of nausea and blurred vision.
I think what is happening is I feel a great need for rest, sleep even, but the Mass obligation is weighing on me. It's a battle. When I think, "I will stay home and get well," I calm down and feel a little better. But when I think, "I'm not sure I am bad enough to miss Mass. Maybe I should go," I feel sick and panicky.
(On top of my usual chronic illnesses, I have been particularly unwell for over 2 months now with new and troubling symptoms my doc can't figure out, yet. I see her again on Thursday.)
There aren't earlier Masses near by and I am at work anyway. (I felt ok when I started work but have progressively gone downhill, but it's so close to the end of my shift I'm just thugging it out.)