Concerning that woman in the news who strangled her children in the basement, I'm seeing two prevailing schools of thought on the terrible incident.
1. Post-partum depression and psychosis are very real and can be very dangerous, PLUS she was very much over-drugged on psych meds. The system failed her. This was a case of severe, badly treated mental illness on top of post-partum illness, and not a case of cold-blooded murder.
2. If women want equality we have to stop blaming everything on horomones. Women all over the world struggle with PPD, PPP, and mental illnesses and don't murder their children in what appears to be a planned and calculated event.
As someone who had post-partum depression, a part of me really does wonder if this could have been a severe case of it, amped up with psych meds. I remember having intrusive thoughts, but knowing I would never act on them. However, I also remember having to put my crying baby down because I had the sudden urge to throw him out a window, or shake him violently to get him to stop. Of course, I didn't act on those impulses and I also didn't want him to die. I just wanted him to stop crying. But, even so, those thoughts frightened me. How could I think such thing?! But, so many mothers will tell you they are common....and not just with mothers, but with any caregiver.
How many caregiving spouses think about divorcing their sick spouse?
How many dads get arrested for abusing or shaking their babies?
The fact is post-partum hormonal depression and psychosis are real. That doesn't mean that overall women are incapable of being functioning adults. But those dang hormones can really mess you up! They messed me up!
So, now you not only have post-partum depression or psychosis with this woman, but also a history of mental illness, a litany of psych drugs, caregiver fatigue, and chronic sleep deprivation.
I still can't wrap my head around how she could have strangled ALL THREE children to death, but I can understand some of the factors that could have contributed to this.
Was it in cold blood and she just put together a string of convenient alibis to hopefully get a plea deal out of it?
Was it the devastating result of a slew of medical malpractice and lack of support for a woman who was obviously struggling?
I don't like the idea of, on one hand, being told what I say, think, and do should be taken with a grain of salt because I have hormones. I don't like being seen as incapable of rational thought or for my decisions, feelings, and needs ignored because of "hormones." But, at the same time I recognize that female hormones can create some crazy situations! After all, every month I actually do fall into a sort of desperation, and I think about things like divorcing my husband, giving up on life, leaving the Church, etc. Then, my period comes and I'm like, "oh, that's why I felt like that!" I hate that my hormones cause things like that.
I also recognize how scary and dangerous post-partum depression can be. It's not just a new mom crying a lot or doomscrolling while breast feeding. It's not just her neglecting to shower or clean the house or having no motivation. I probably should have been admitted to the psych ward. I was literally babbling incoherently while sobbing hysterically in the middle of the night. I couldn't even perceive color! The world seemed like a black and white movie to me. I remember desperately trying to bank memories with my baby because I knew I was messed up and likely to forget or have it all be a blur. I remember feeling no joy over things I knew I should be happy about, and I remember wanting to do things like drive off bridges and drive into trees.
I even accidentally left my baby at home alone because, well, I wasn't in my right mind!
So, this blame it all on the hormones and don't blame hormones at all arguments completely miss the realities of women.
Do I think this woman should not face murder charges? No. There's a reason why we have levels of charges and a justice system that allows for nuance. She is a danger to herself and others and cannot be released into the freedom of public life. She killed her children. To what degree of culpability, we don't know. That's up to God concerning her eternity, and up to the court of law to decide to the best of our human ability.
