I need to share something that is weighing on me.
I had an odd upbringing. My parents were pretty severe alcoholics, and I had extended family raising me for the most part. However, when I was 12, I tried to move back in with my mom and it was terrible. So, at 15, we got into a bad argument. She hit me, and I went running to my pastor for help. I was afraid if it kept happening, I was going to hit her back, and I didn’t want to do that.
I worked at the rectory at this time, doing odd jobs so I knew the staff really well. So, my pastor called a meeting with family. My aunts and uncles refused to take me in for fear of hurting/dealing with my angry alcoholic mom. My church secretary volunteered to take me in. It was awkward but very helpful. It saved my relationship with my mom and helped me stay in the same school.
As a result of this odd situation, I got very close with the priests and was constantly involved in ministry. I ran our CYO as a teen and was even put on the archdiocesan youth leadership team for city-wide events. At graduation, I got a standing applause for doing over 500 hours of service in high school. I was constantly seeking counsel from my pastor and priests.
When I returned from college, one of the priests (not my pastor) sat me down and told me about the scandals of child abuse (circa 2002). He wanted to prepare me for what was to come and told me to pray. Then, a few years later after he was moved, I found out there was an accusation against him. I almost walked away from the Church. After the legal process (2011), there was not enough evidence to go to trial, but he was removed from ministry and put on indefinite leave for “misconduct.” I don’t know what to make of that. Sounds like he crossed some kind of boundary at the very least. He was absolutely unorthodox in everything he did and that’s why we loved him. He constantly sat with prostitutes and drug dealers and the homeless and told us kids not to judge. He even got a few coming to Mass! His courage was incredible, and he really planted the seeds for Catholic Social Teaching. I wanted to be that fearless.
I ran into him last Friday. I was so happy to see him, my brain didn’t catch up with my heart. I ran over and hugged him and talked for 20 minutes non-stop. He’s going to call me this week and share a few more stories and tell me about how he self-published a history book which I may have to do with my memoir.
But I’m so torn. If he ever hurt a child… I used to say things like, “I think child molesters should be instantly given the death penalty,” but it seems he’s teaching me more lessons in forgiveness and judgment whether he’s guilty or not. He’s 79 and I keep thinking, if he dies and I don’t reconnect with him, I know I’ll regret it. So, do I really just sum this up to “judge the sin, love the sinner?” and if he’s innocent, what sin is there to judge? Oh, if this isn’t the way of the Cross, I don’t know what is. Please pray for me.
