@BernadetteG I got to the part in your book (yeah, it's been sitting unread for a while, but only because I had a busy two weeks and have been in and out of town) where you talk to Bobo before your surgery. I was surprised at how that part made me think of my own shadow of my little girl self, and how I protect her with what I do now. How much of our life choices reflect a self-preservation of the child we once were?!
Sometimes I think about her. I remember her splayed out in the gliding love seat in the sunny front porch of that big old farmhouse where my parents still live, thumbing through old magazines my mother picked up from a free bin at the library, dreaming of the charmed and beautiful simple life my adulthood would give me. I lived in daydreams back then, hoping for the future.
As I finished that chapter, I sat for a moment in my living room chair. I could hear the washing machine finishing up in the laundry room. I could hear the electric fireplace fan whirring next to me. I could hear the constant, whispy high-pitched buzz that haunts my ears nonstop. I can hear.
But then I remember when I need to make a phone call I have to put on my special headphones. And if I want to listen to an interview on youtube on go my headphones. I remember that people either ask me to speak up or give me looks because I'm speaking too loudly. I struggle to regulate my volume because I can't tell if I'm speaking too loudly or too softly. I need closed captions on the TV screen and I need to see people's faces and lips in public conversations when there's other noise around, and even then I miss things.
I want to reach into my right ear canal and remove the invisible cotton.
It's very possible that I may simply endure this level of and, as I age, a little more hearing loss. My dad needs hearing aids, after all, but he's not deaf. Just hard of hearing. But, what if. Doctor's can't pinpoint anything wrong with my hearing other than the general, "tinnitus," "meniere's disease," and "auditory processing disorder," but physically they can't find anything.
However, reading your book I feel less worried about it. The what-ifs don't feel so ominous. Thank you for sharing your story!
Have you followed Mandy Harvey? She's a deaf singer/songwriter/musician who now has a cochlear implant. She chose to have the surgery because she wanted to communicate with her husband and son. I believe her husband is French and speaks French and they wanted their son to be multi-lingual and she knew being unable to hear and speak the language could be a hindrance to that and hurt her ability to communicate with her son.
She had a difficult recovery and described her journey on a vlog. I believe she even had some trouble with the deaf community who weren't happy that she got the surgery.
