I've been out here in our new house and new town for almost 4 months, now. I'm pretty much settled, the boys are registered at the new school district and will start in September, my husband is settled in his new job, we have our routines and favorite spots.

My youngest son and I have visited a few Catholic Churches in the area, and I have researched multiple others, however, we attend one in particular on a regular basis. It is a very small in building size church, but packed and very traditional.

My friends back home keep asking if I've met any Catholic families, have any new Catholic friends, and I keep having to say no. This is largely due to the parish being a little bit of a distance away, and that it is so reverent that there is no chatter or visiting before or after Mass. After Mass most people stay in the pews to pray. Also, they seem very close-knit and not really receptive to outsiders.

The funny thing is that I visually fit right in. I dress very much like the other ladies in long, modest dresses in similar styles. I veil. So, it isn't that I look way out of place.

But, everyone is just very minimally polite. I get a glance and a small smile. That's about it. And while I don't expect a big welcome committee and a coffee handed to me in one hand and a donut and dinner invitation in another, after more than 3 months of attendance I am still a complete stranger.

Much doesn't go on socially in the parish that isn't connected with traditional associations or the school. The school is private and self-sustaining. It is not part of the diocese. In addition, most of those in attendance are intact Catholic families who are very careful about who they allow in their lives and around their children. One thing I have always suspected about traditional parishes is that I would never be fully accepted because my husband doesn't practice Catholicism and doesn't go to Mass, 3 of my 4 children are agnostic, my son is marrying someone who dabbles in the occult, and my 2nd son is gay.

So, what about other parishes? Well, all the others around here are very casual and contemporary. The closest ones hold Mass too early in the morning. My husband prefers I spend mornings with him so I got to 10 am or later Masses. I'm very much about reverence, the ability to kneel and receive on the tongue, sacred music, and taking the Mass seriously.

I had all that at my old parish, but my old parish was also diverse enough that I was very much welcomed and I had a lot of peers in the non-practicing husbands and wayward children department.

It seems out here my choices are to be the unwelcomed outlier in a reverent, traditional parish, or among friendly, but highly compromised cafeteria-style modernist so woke it's almost Episcopal Catholicism.

Of course, both Mass types are valid Masses and I'm still receiving the Eucharist, and going to Mass and going to worship my Jesus is more important than the people surrounding me in the pew and how they feel about me, or me them. But, I'm just feeling unsure about attending a parish where I'm a stranger for the next 10 years, and I have no connection with these people or ability to really participate due to the distance and the difficulties with my family.

Thankfully, I am always welcome back at my hometown parish and attend when I can. I cry every time I go there because I miss it so much and it's truly my home. But, my oh my, the loneliness out here is palpable.