Sensitive topic, but this came up rather shockingly in a Catholic women's group on Facebook.
The wife writes in that she and her husband have been married for almost a decade. He wanted to be intimate on Sunday and she said she wanted to as well, but that she feels guilty having intimacy on Sundays, but they were intimate anyway. However, on Monday, he wanted to be intimate again, but she seemed to express that she was some lingering unwarranted guilt and figured they just were intimate a day ago, so she said no. However, he kept asking until she decided it was what good wives do, so she said yes and they were intimate.
However, she goes on to say that she feels hurt by the incident because she feels her no should have been respected, and asked for advice.
Well, the comment section blew up and I actually reported it to the administrator because 1. this isn't a private group and this poor woman's information was available to the internet, but 2. because the women were going bonkers and giving opinions and advice that could really hurt this woman's marriage.
I could assume she was already naive and vulnerable to wrongful teachings in that she believes it is wrong for a husband and wife to be intimate on Sundays. I DM'd her and explained that while some couples agree to utilize certain times in the Liturgical calendar to abstain for prayer, it has to be agreed upon by both spouses and it is not a Catholic requirement. However, some of the women were telling her that her husband raped her.
In my DM to the woman I explained that while I don't have all the information, what I gather is that her husband PERSUADED her and she acted on a sense of loving duty and that it wasn't a case of force or fear that coerced her into doing something that was a complete "no" for her. I did go on to explain what is clearly "rape in marriage," but that a wife not being in the mood but having marital relations anyway because it is something the husband wants is NOT marital rape.
I did agree with her that he should have respected her no and not pestered her, if that's what he even did, BUT I offered that she consider a different phrase. Utilize "not now" instead, and then offer a time frame or what needs to be done before intimacy can happen.
I encouraged her to read Theology of the Body and visit the institute's website.
But, once again, I am shocked at how many Catholics have completely unCatholic teachings, and, to be honest, it seems to be mostly women. (To be fair, because I am a woman I am more exposed to women's groups than strictly men's groups.)
And I am also shocked at how many women jumped on the feminist hashtag metoo bandwagon of "marital rape."
Another shocker was one woman who really rattled it down to "doing your wifely duty" and NEVER (yes, she said never) refusing your husband for any reason. That, too is dangerous.
