Moving on in 1 Peter, we get to the hot-button chapter, chapter 3 with those rage-baiting words, "In like manner also let wives be subject to their husbands..."
What's even more controversial is that this is also in reference to wives who are married to men who are not believers, which one can infer means she may not be treated too well and also doesn't have the help of the Church to admonish her husband like they could a believing husband.
Of course, I had to jump right into the original Greek and see what the meaning of the word translated to "subject" or "submit" in other translations.
ὑποτασσόμεναι and it means just what many modernists say it doesn't mean. It does mean to submit, and not in a mutual way. It means subordinate to, to be subject to. It also expands to "to obey" and "subdue unto."
No matter how many times I read different articles or listen to different podcasts about how husbands aren't actually the head or the leaders and the submit is supposed to be completely egalitarian mutual general submission like friends agreeing with each other, I just can't seem to agree. I go back to Scripture over and over again and I don't see that kind of interpretation there.
Now, I admit that things were misinterpreted the other way, too, especially in conservative fundamentalist evangelicalism where it basically gave husbands carte blanche to use and abuse their wives and wives were nothing more than maids, baby-makers, and sex toys unallowed to be fully adult human themselves. This is one of the numerous reasons why I came to Catholicism because I could see the balance of wives being treated like fully adult humans while also understanding the roles God created. Catholics (who haven't been flushed down the toilet of modernism) seem to have a more instinctual appreciation for roles, "one's place," and hierarchy.
But, here it is in black and white in the original Greek that I, a wife, am indeed subject to my own husband, who isn't a believer, but is still my head according to the created order of God.
This is tough when the unbelieving spouse doesn't necessarily believe in all of this and is more egalitarian and feminist than the wife. It can really create some cognitive dissonance or even stressful worries that the wife is becoming or has become the leader of the home.
My husband likes to think of it in terms of Norse society. He's "off at war" (going to work, and his work is more demanding and longer hours than 9-5 office work) and in order for him to effectively take on this battle, he needs a strong Viking wife back home being the leader of the homestead.
But, I suppose therein lies the submission. Instead of going off and doing my own thing, I place myself in the needs of the marriage and family. So, in our case it means I make 98% of the decisions and am very much a leader, even to the point of having managed the household so long that my husband defers to me in the decisions because, well, I'm the one in the trenches of the home. Just like I can't make decisions on his battlefield for him, he can't make decisions on the home-front.
It's a temptation to want to shoe-horn oneself into this 1 Peter 3:1 dynamic, hence you see the "tradwives." I tried doing that over 20 years ago! And then when it doesn't work, the women implode and become radical feminists. But, I can't escape what Scripture says, and I also struggle that it doesn't look a certain way.
However, a conclusion I came to is where do we recoil in our marriages as wives? Where do we struggle to submit? Where do we face the temptation to reason our way out of it? Where do we feel our only choices are to be abused to some degree, or go feminist? These are the crossroads where Christ wants us to look to Him for obedience to the Word of God. Sometimes that might mean enduring mistreatment (not dangerous abuse, mind you. Of course you need to take legal action in those situations and get yourself to safety). Sometimes that might mean having to be an Abigail. Sometimes it might mean a choice we didn't even know existed because we've looked to the world and not to Jesus.
A word to husbands: Read on in 1 Peter 3. He has words for husbands on how to treat your wives, as you know. And I know you men know these verses and you take them seriously. But I want to let you in on a secret. As much as modern feminism hates the "weaker vessel" part, we absolutely are the weaker vessel, and much weaker than we lead on. Yes, women and strong and resilient. I shock myself at how strong and resilient I can be. But even in that strength and grit, inside I am so weak, so tender, so soft, and so deeply affected by things.
Husband comes home and blows past his wife at the door and embraces the dog instead.
Wife needs something fixed and husband keeps putting it off with empty promises.
Wife needs husband to actually father the children instead of just shouting from the recliner.
Wife is worried about finances but husband wants a new thing for his hobby and will lash out one way or another if he doesn't get his way.
Wife has to manage husband's emotions so he doesn't overreact about something or blow up at the kids.
Husband neglects his spiritual Christian duties towards his family.
On the surface the wife is strong to put up with these things, but deep inside she is VERY affected and has to go crawling her battered and bruised spiritual body to the foot of the cross and weep with Mary and Jesus there.
Studies also show that a wife who has to endure the failings and short-comings of her husband in their marriage is much more likely to develop an auto-immune disorder. Our feelings aren't just hurt. We actually become physically ill. Keep that in mind.
It can be a huge spiritual battle to be a submissive wife to a human husband full of human faults. The very fact that she moves towards submission, even when it hurts her, should wake you up to the tenderness she actually needs.
How many times have we submitted to Jesus, even when it was hard, and instead of facing an entitled, harsh king, we faced a tender and loving Savior.
