Saturday, January 6, 2024. That was the day my official catholic journey really began, when I went to my very first mass for the very first time one year ago. This is my story, written down for the first time.
By way of introduction; I'm an ex-mormon. I was born and raised LDS in Mesa, AZ. I had many experiences within the LDS church growing up, both for good and for ill. As a teenager, I admit I had my troubles, just like many others in their teen years. After graduating high school 10 years ago, I served my 2 year mormon mission in the deep south, and as you might expect, it was an experience. It had its ups, downs, and everything in between. When I returned home, I started the next phase of life; college.
It was around that time President Nelson took over leadership of the LDS church after President Monson passed on. From that point on, nothing would be the same. His radical, transformative reforms, combined with my college experiences, rocked me to my core. It was the beginning of my gradual disillusionment with the institution of the LDS church. However, I still felt deep down that mormon theology was still fundamentally true. Or so I thought.
Looking back now, I realize there was this mental/spiritual fog clouding my mind. I didn't know it at the time, but I was a borderline athiest. After the sheer insanity of 2020, I was on a personal quest to figure out what went wrong. I ended up discovering Dr. Haidt's book "The Righteous Mind", and from there, it kick started a new phase of interest in moral psychology/philosophy/theology.
At one point, I encountered mormon fundamentalism, and I was initially drawn to the appearence of consistent theology, a sharp contrast to President Nelson's radicalism. In an unstable, crazy, upside down world, with so much confusion, I wanted something that was rock solid. Despite it's initial appeal, I never could commit to mormon fundamentalism, even though I could not explain it at the time. I just knew, deep down, something was off. I just didn't know what yet.
In 2023, my personal life fell apart. My career was seemingly stuck in a dead end. My landlord sold my place out from under me, and I could do little, given the state of the housing market. I was in a car accident, and insurance was not helping all that much. I lost the girl of my dreams to the cold, harsh reality that we are incompatable. My dad got diagnosed with brain cancer, one which claims most victims within 5 years. President Nelson's changes to temple ritual liturgy was coming off as a fake attempt to pander to children. My mother confessed the truth of my childhood autism specrum diagnosis, essentially admiting the childhood bullies at school were actually telling the truth, and my own mother, whom I trusted as an actual child, gaslit me into believing nothing was wrong with me, implying I could be normal and fit in with everyone else.
I had a complete breakdown. I had difficulty regulating my eating, I could not sleep for an entire week. I did not know myself, or anything with any real certainty. I tried therapy, I found guys like Redeemed Zoomer and MentisWave, but those didn't seem to really fix anything. Thanksgiving weekend, I was at the end of the line. I was ready to commit suicide and put myself out of my own misery. I was ready. All I had to do was jump. I was completely, and utterly alone. No one was coming to save me.
Then it happened. I felt shoulders against my shoulders. I heard a voice in front of me speak to me. I could see that I was still alone, but I felt as though I had comerades right there, with me, and they were depending on me to do my part. I returned home, thinking maybe God was giving one last chance. I went to my LDS YSA ward that sunday, and all I remember was that the service was so boring, so empty, so meaningless, I was angry. Frustrated. Why would God do this to me? I was so confused and upset, what now?
Later that day, I opened up the YouTube app on my phone. It immediately brought me to my home screen, with recommendations. And the number one recommendation for me, right there, was Pints With Aquinas. It was Stephen Johnson's conversion story, and my first reaction was "five minutes". Six and a half hours later, I was hooked. At Stephen's behest, I ordered the book "Ancient Christians; An Introduction for Latter Day Saints." I started reading; and I became utterly convinced that Joseph Smith was indeed a liar. It was around that time Isaac Hess came on the show, and he mentioned his lds2catholic email. I reached out to him, and he told me about a parish in the general area.
Come January 1st, 2024, I was ready to quit mormonism once and for all and become catholic instead. That saturday, the 6th, I swung by the parish after work, thinking it would be empty. Much to my surprise, I was just in time for saturday evening mass. I watched the whole thing, and stayed in the sanctuary afterward. Growing up LDS, I was told repeatedly that the temple is very spiritually powerful, very peaceful, and yet, in all my experiences with the temple, I never really felt that strong of anything, other than "this is weird" when I went through my first initiatory and endowment. Here, however, in this catholic church, immediately after mass, I felt it. Everything the LDS temple had been described as to me, the catholic church got it.
I enrolled into the parish OCIA, and from there, my life started to change. I had already bought a fixer upper house I now live in. My career took a step foreward. My mind is growing in knowledge and clarity. My mental and emotional health is getting better, especially now since I'm building bridges in my diocese with fellow adults, young and old, married and single. I'm studying bible, praying rosary, attending mass, speaking with priests and deacons; it may not seem impressive, but from my perspective, I am not the same person I was over a year ago.
There are so many details I never discussed here, but I'm getting tired now. Maybe someday I'll write more, possibly publish a book, God willing. Good night all, and God bless.
